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For anyone out there who may ever be in this position (and I can think of a handful), never ever ever EVER do what I did on Friday at 12:30 pm at Trader Joe's.
I love shopping at T Joe's so after we grabbed Emma from Kindergarten I decided to "run" in and "grab" a few things to dine on over the weekend. I like that it is so close to Edu-Prize. One problem I have run into is that it does not open until 8am, so while last Monday Caitlyn and I sat at Starbucks from 7:30-8:00 waiting for them to open, this particular Friday I did not. (Please note that when the store opens at 8am, there is hardly anyone else there, which makes the shopping experience well, almost enjoyable). OK- I am not sure if I had a brain freeze, brain toot or my brain just paused for a second but for some reason I felt that it would be an ok idea for both Emma and Caitlyn to get a kids cart and me to get a big cart. That was problem number one and problem two was that the store was PACKED. One thing I like about TJ's is the small size, but not when it is packed and I am trying to move around like a mob with three humans and three carts.
So, as we moved past the nuts, I reached out and grabbed the sliced almonds and as we approached the fruits and vegetable area, the questions and fussing began erupting out of the girls' mouths. "I want this, can we get this, no, I want that in my cart, ahhhh, waaaaa, screech, high pitched scream that Caitlyn makes that I don't know how to spell." I leaned over and told Emma to be sweet or we would leave and I would come back alone. That moment was my gut or my conscience telling me what to do in a night mare of a situation. Looking back I should have listened, but instead I decided to grab what I could and get out. By this point we had gotten a few "oh, look how cute" looks and a lot more, "oh my, what kind of parents do they have" looks. And, I know you parents out there can relate. I decided to stuff my brewing frustration and persist on.
As we made our way to the check out line, I just had to smile on the outside and cry on the inside because not only was every line LONG, everyone had Costco sized loads of food in their carts. I decided to stand in the line of a checker that I had talked to a few times. Maybe she could tolerate us...maybe. As we waited and waited, I had lecture the girls over and over, separate them, break up spats, threaten to leave the store and wait some more. As I verbally prompted them over and over, explaining the procedures that were going to occur "Caitlyn will put her food up on the counter first and Emma will put hers on the counter next", the women behind me asked how old C was. She seemed to be ok with us considering she had a grandson a month older than C. She was a grandma she had character.
Ok, it was finally our turn, C put her stuff up, E put her stuff up and turned to go put her cart away. As she was walking to put her cart away she encountered a big cart. Driving the big cart was a woman who I would classify as the older, single, no tolerance for children, get out of my way so I can go home and cook my TJ's food, hippie woman. No offense meant, but just to give you a picture. Soooo, as Emma paused, she said "Goooo ahead", in a snotty, I can't believe a 5-year old is putting me out this much- sort of tone. To which I replied with a snotty, wow, how can you be so kind to a 5 year old, not sincere at all "Thank you". She never looked up at me even though I was giving more than the socially allowed attempted eye contact. I took a deep breath and made a comment to the checker about the intolerance of children and how it was very interesting. I kept my cool (Dad you would be proud- I inherited some of my Dad's lack of patience and teeny tiny temper). The checker then made some comment about how she has babysat in her life and she will not have kids. OHHHHHHH, yeah my blood was boiling at this point. I immediately went into the "I can lecture my children and talk about how they stress me out, but you sure as Heck can't." My reply to her was that the hard parts of raising children are strongly outweighed by the wonderful and life changing, blissful ones. I also pointed out that TJ's has kids carts and people need to be aware of that, if they don't like kids and can't be ok with them learning the ropes of cart steering, they should not shop at a store with kids carts. And then I was silent, until I got to the car and gave the girls a big long lecture of course.
Inside I was thinking that while yes, having children is very challenging on some days, there is nothing more amazing and life changing than having a child. They make you grow and change in ways you never imagined. And, while the hippie ladies at TJ's were being annoyed with my gorgeous, 5 and 2 year old daughters turned aliens for that 30 minute span, I was building way more character that they will ever know. Because if the customers of TJ's thought that my girls were acting out, they would have been scared, frightened and terrified to see me unleash the frustration and craziness that was bubbling inside of me. I wanted to have an adult tantrum. But instead, while they were sitting in judgment, I was practicing self control, patience, asking God for help and for time to speed up. They will NEVER understand because they have not dug down that deep into their pinky toes to survive a situation like that with children.
I wanted to also point out that the hippie woman did not start out the "prefect person" she is now. As Bryan suggested, Caitlyn needs a shirt that says "remember when you were two" on one side and "A work in progress" on the back. And, I am going to get a shirt that says "Step out of my way, I am shaping a human being for the next 20 years." - yes, that is the behavior analyst in me. As parents we are constantly teaching and shaping our children's behavior. I also know that the fastest way to change the behavior of my children is to change my behavior, which brings me back to the fact that we will never ever ever be in that situation again. Caitlyn will be in the cart and Emma will be holding onto the side. And, yes there will be fussing about not having a kids cart, but hey I can plan to ignore that. And, for those around me...just read MY shirt and hush up. And if you miss my shirt, you will see my bumper-sticker as I peal out of the parking lot with two, hot, tired girlies--- "don't judge me until you have walked in my shoes."
PS- I will be looking up the TJ's gals when Emma and Caitlyn are grown, successful, courteous cart driving women.
Double PS- for the next person who says "ohhhhh, you must be so patient" when I tell them I work with individuals with disabilities- I will refer them to this post which will reveal to them that patience does not come naturally to me. That is why behavior analyst have Prompting Procedures, because they are not patient people.
Thank you dear God for my beautiful girls and for giving me the tools to deal with them in the these situations and the ability to laugh when I want to cry. Love you girls. And, god bless the hippie gals at TJ's, God works in mysterious ways.
